Why modems are better than babes

 
  1. Babes cannot send or receive mail at 33600 bauds
  2. Babes cannot transmit mail at all
  3. Babes squeak even after connection
  4. You cannot say "ATM0" to babe to turn her sound off
  5. If another modem is trying to send mail to you, babe, as a crazy, will cry "Hello? Hello?" to the receiver instead of saying "ATA"
  6. Babe has too small TranssmissionBuffer
  7. Connecting with a random babe often ends with HandshakeFailure
  8. It's not possible to establish EMSI Session with a babe at all
  9. Babes have no error correction
  10. If a babe has error correction, it is a software one
  11. Babes cannot transmit large packages
  12. If a babe finds NO DIAL TONE, she will beat the innocent phone
  13. Babe doesn't answer on the first ring; she doesn't understand the command ATS0=0
  14. Babe doesn't hold the session at any cost, she simply doesn't care for it
  15. Babe will be strongly displeasured if somebody rings to her at 4:30 a.m.
  16. If you turn a babe off, you cannot bring her to life again
  17. It is difficult to make a babe hang off
  18. Babes are not HAYES compatible
  19. Babe will be offended if you insert a phone cable into her back
  20. It's very difficult to insert a babe into ISA slot
  21. Babe will not work equally under DOS and UNIX
  22. Babe will be offended if you give her to your friend to use for a week
  23. You cannot play DOOM via babe
  24. You cannot control babe's behaviour using back panel switches
  25. You can use several modems simultaneously, and none of them will be offended
  26. If you break the babe, you will be prosecuted by law
  27. Babe's front panel indicators don't show her real state
  28. If you send her a file, she will send you to hell
  29. Babes often make mistakes when dialing
  30. It's really simple to divorce with a modem
  31. You don't need to remember modem's birthday
  32. If you want to get a new modem, you don't need to meet with its mother
  33. Fucking with a modem never results in pregnancy
  34. You cannot get information about a babe using ATI command
  35. Babes distract from reading your mail
  36. If you remove babe's speaker, it will look disgusting
  37. Modem obeys all your commands
  38. Having a fast modem you have an excellent modem
  39. Babe will not agree to live between IO Card and VideoCard
  40. Babe doesn't support ZModem protocol
  41. Modems don't grow old but only become obsolete. You can upgrade your old modem when you want
  42. Modems usually don't weigh more than a pound
  43. Babes often hardly see the difference between 0 and 1

(C) Paul M. Goorskis (2:5100/56.14)

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